At first.
Those words weren't something I thought you could ever say to me,
although you'd said it before.
to my face.  
It's harder when you have the words
to read over and over
in the palm of your hand.

--

After a second of pure agony,
and actual physical pain,
i died.  
Your me, died.
Because you,
not my you
(my you died too long ago..),
ripped my heart from my chest.  
The one I dedicated to you.
But the difference from last time-
I'd felt it before.
This time was just a second.

--

Ten or Fifteen minutes passed,
of weakness.  
Crying, hurt.  
But so many voices filled my head.  
So many wrongs that couldn't right.
So many things I'd previously refused myself to see.  
It's not just what you said then,
it's so much more than that.
(You know what I'm talking about).

--

Voice filled my ears,
first mom,
then yours,
then Joe, Nicole,
then dad, Laura.  
They all knew, everyone knew.  
Before i had to make a sound.  
Everyone but me could see it coming,
because love is blind, is it not?

--

I had never heard your voice so hard before,
I had never been talked to in such a degrading way.  
I had never been made to feel so worthless
in my life,
with only a couple words.
Which is another wrong.  
I told you not to call me back.  
Everyone says that was me ending it, finally.

--

Air filled my lungs,
and I stopped.  
Everything around me stopped,
except my mind,
because my mind never stops.  
So many images filled my head,
all the wrongs,
all of them instantly making me realise
why this right now had to have happened
regardless.  
I deserve better,
like you've always said.

--

I got up,
washed my face and walked out.  
Everyone was glad.  
I don't know what I felt then.  
I felt used.  
I felt washed out.  
I felt... good.  
In the weirdest most emptiest way
I felt good.  
So relieved.  
My subconscious wanted this for a long time.
(My heart was holding onto memories,
it takes a hard push to let go).

--

I appreciate you telling me your reason,
I really, really do.  
It was one of the last things I needed to know.
Something i'm going to want, is an apology.  
I thought you had a little more class,
and a lot more respect for me.  
It's up to you though.
You told me to have a good life,
and from here on I will.  
I hope things get better for you, too.